Of marmalade and cars
by NotAnOunceOfLogic
Summary: Amy can't drive, Rory is afraid, the Doctor modifies, Clyde is never driving again and Luke is covered in marmalade...


"Okay, we're being chased by a giant ant that loves sweets and apparently hates the sonic…" Rory summarized deftly.

"Yeah, that's about right-"Amy yelped and ducked behind the wall again," But you forgot the fire spitting part!"

"Could be worse!" the Doctor yelled at them.

"Doctor, you're on fire!" Rory shouted.

"Thanks." He grinned.

"No, you're literally on fire!" Amy pointed to where his tweed jacket was sporting flames.

"Oi!" the Doctor shrieked and pulled off his jacket quickly looking at it in dismay before glaring at the giant ant, "That was my favorite!"

The Doctor barely managed to dive behind the wall with Rory and Amy before a massive amount of flames hit where he had been standing moments before.

The trio shared a look before speaking in unison: "Regroup."

Rory flat out declined to be bait even though the Doctor proclaimed it "Perfectly safe!" So they went with Plan B…

"Luke! My friend, I need your help!" the Doctor yelled happily, but urgently.

"Do I know you?" Luke asked.

"Sorry, changed my face again."

"Oh Hello Doctor, what do you need?"

Luke soon learned those four words should never be said around the Doctor as he shortly found himself sitting at his kitchen table with Clyde surrounded by three adults each clutching pilfered – from Clyde's home no less – Jars of strawberry marmalade.

"—And it's from Nagria so we need your help."

"Why us?" asked Clyde.

"Bait. Now we need transportation!"

"Well, mum's car is here as she's gone out with Martha today."

"Great! Can you drive?" the Doctor asked Luke seriously.

"Not yet."

"I get to drive!" Amy claimed holding up a set of car keys. Neither teen missed the look of fear that passed over Rory's face.

"Do we have a plan?" Luke watched with equal parts excitement and fear.

"Course we do! Well, it's more a thing. That's like a plan, but with more gray. Ooh, need that!" the Doctor reached out and plucked the iPod from Clyde's pocket ignoring his protests as he started messing with it with his sonic screwdriver.

"Here," Amy tossed her jar to Rory before heading out the door.

"Let's go then!" the Doctor added his Jar to Rory's collection before following after Amy.

"This doesn't bode well…"

"Are you sure you can drive!" Clyde yelled at Amy as he was slung into Rory for the second time.

"YES!" She yelled back laughing.

Driving after an alien proved to be an experience to be either detrimental or amazing, they hadn't decided yet, but Clyde was leaning towards detrimental to their health the way Amy was driving. Amy didn't see to drive under 60, the Doctor was manically working on the navigation system with a sonic screwdriver and what appeared to be a boy scout knife while Clyde, Luke and Rory (Who was still clutching the 3 jars) were flung about in the backseat of Sarah Jane's car.

"Legally!" Luke screamed over the noise of squealing tires, laughter and other yells as Amy took a corner without slowing down at all.

"Of course legally!" Amy grinned over her shoulder at them vibrantly.

"It took you seven times to pass!" Rory yelped, "You sped and kept crashing into Mrs. Angelo's garden gate!"

"That wasn't my fault! Okay, turn left?" Amy asked the Doctor.

"Right," the Doctor agreed, "Oi! Wrong way!" He yelled seconds later.

"You said Right!" Amy growled.

"Yes as in 'right, we need to turn left' not as in 'turn right'!"

"Oh fine. Hold on boys, this is gonna be bumpy!"

Bumpy was an understatement as she abruptly jerked the wheel to the left, obstructing four lanes of traffic as she maneuvered the car to where they were facing the right direction.

"I'm NEVER driving again," Clyde groaned.

Hitting the Navigational system again the Doctor grinned as it started displaying strange symbols and speaking in just as strange words, "Oh Perfect! Amy keep going straight!" He shouted as he climbed to sit on the window sill, hanging halfway out the car with Clyde's IPod as it beeped louder and louder.  
After about five more minutes of frantic driving as the Doctor shouted directions they arrived at a park; where Rory, Luke and Clyde promptly fell to the ground thanking all deities' everywhere for surviving the trip.

"Okay, bait time!" the Doctor proclaimed watching the alien from a distance, "Rory, gimme."  
Grabbing a jar the Doctor opened it and promptly upended it over Luke's head, covering the teenager in strawberry marmalade.

"Oi!" Clyde yelped as Amy did the same to him.

"Sorry boys, but we need moving targets of attraction!" Amy grinned as Rory opened the last jar with a sigh.

"Don't worry; we'll save the day before you become caramelized." The Doctor told him earnestly.

Well, they had managed to defeat the alien that was a good thing. But it was far outweighed in the teens' opinion by the fact that they were covered head to toe in strawberry marmalade, Luke's mother would never trust them home alone again, Clyde now had an IPod that doubled as an alien homing beacon, Sarah Jane's navigational system and Radio refused to function normally and to top it all off they were currently being watched by a few annoyed patrons.

Having been left behind in the park with Sarah Jane's car they were currently stranded. The Doctor had taken off with Rory and Amy towards the TARDIS proclaiming something about other planets to save, but Luke wasn't fooled: the Doctor was terrified of Sarah Jane's reaction to him stealing her car and using her son as bait.

Clyde sighed and wiped some wayward jam off his face before turning to Luke, "Who gets to drive home?"

Luke looked at Clyde , "Why drive?"

"'Cause I am not calling your mother for a pick up as she'll kill us dead as it is."

"She's with Martha they're shopping. They won't know about this for a few hours when they come back for the night." Said Luke as he tried to get as much marmalade as possible out of his hair.

"Maybe we'll have time to run?" said Clyde hopefully as he climbed into the driver's side of the car making squishing noises as he sat.

"Somehow I don't think so." Luke gulped and pointed out the window.

"Great, just great. Think your mum could save us?" Clyde nearly whimpered as he looked where Luke was pointing and saw the group of angry policemen.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*  
"Ugh, I told him I wasn't working this weekend. He knows I was coming to spend the weekend here!" Martha protested as her phone started going off playing 'Captain Jack' alerting her to exactly who was calling.

"Ignore it?" Sarah Jane suggested.

"Can't…Hold on," Martha pulled out her phone and flipped it open, "Jack I told you I'm not coming in today. I'm not even IN Cardiff, I'm with Sarah Jane!"

"I know! No alien invasion I swear! Well, at least not on our end." Jack protested into the phone.

"Then what do you want?" Martha asked in exasperation.

"To tell you Sarah Jane's car is on the news."

"…What?" Martha reached out and grabbed Sarah Jane's arm before flipping the phone on speakerphone, "Say that again."

"Sarah Jane's car is on the news."

Sarah Jane looked shocked, "What? Why? How!"

"It's a breaking news story covering manic driving around your town actually, there's a man hanging out the window holding onto the roof with something in his hand. Oh wow, I'm surprised they didn't flip the car there."

"Can you see who's driving?"

"Not really, but the car is packed full with about 5 people." Jack commented, "Hey they've stopped."

"Where?"

"Some park with play equipment. Hah, I was right 5 people. Looks like Luke and Clyde are two of them."

"If there isn't some life or death alien invasion going on that somehow managed to break his and Clyde's cell phones while simultaneously disabling all land lines I am going to kill my son." Sarah Jane said threateningly.

Jack laughed, "Well when you're done killing your son for joy riding let me talk to him! I wanna know how he convinced such a beautiful woman into the car with him."

"What?"

"Yeah, some red head in a mini skirt. Quite cute too." Jack agreed.

"I'm going to kill him."


End file.
